It didn’t dawn on me until it was late

****    ****    ****

I have danced all my life to whatever music that moved my legs
Life is beautiful, as least to the delight of my sight
The landscaping crafted in my world was of rose flowers buried in golden pots
I established my life in the soils of thin air
And disposables became the benchmark of my value

I had soaked myself in the midst of my pleasures
And the worms it bred was gradually eating my soul – a bit at a time
It smelt like restlessness but I was in utter denial of it
On the outside did my eyes focus
My skin was like the touch of a baby – smooth and tender
I counted my millions and my half eaten soul gloried at its sight
But I lacked peace and the stench of this lack grew stronger

My youthful days were always sunny with the adoring blows of ocean waves
I didn’t learn to number them
Now it’s all gone
It was all party galore and all that mattered was the present

It is all gone now and I am stranded with the nothingness of my life
My skin on which I place my worth is sagged and I can’t bear the image of me
I have found my refuge in the counsel of drunkenness
Drinking became my escape route
Waking up from my hangover was a reality check – wine barely took away my pain – it only took my brain away temporarily and kept my problems smiling at me ruthlessly

I chased after peace from the West to the East for the pleasures of freedom held me in unbearable shackles
But it seemed like as I chased after peace, she ran from me even further
The world within me was spinning at the center of its whirlwind
I’m Lost!
I’m Lost!
Yesterday in a valley
Today in a desert
My tomorrow I fear its coming – for even the clairvoyants are miserable for what they see

Where now do I go?
Where now are my feet safe?
The North Pole has rejected my plea for a room
Now I am stranded at the Equator heating up the deserts with fire burning in me.
And the earth scratches herself at my very presence, irritated and frowning at the touching of my feet

Where do I find meaning in my existence?
For what purpose am I?
I had no part in my birthing here and my cluelessness has been the death of me
I have done it all in my pursuit of me – In my pursuit of me – But I do not know me anymore
Wine, my taste buds have had it all
My garden is lush and green
Beneath my beds are the millions I have accumulated
But my soul is far gone
It’s been ripped of the essence of life
I am Lost!

 

Favour Oluchi Emeakama
September 19, 2016

Advertisements